1.

‘Sticks and stones…’ – You cannot change other people. You can only change yourself. This is a simple fact of life which not many people know. But you do, don’t you?

As soon as you feel irritated by someone’s behaviour, you are trying to control them. You feel upset because they have not met your expectations. ‘They make me feel this way!’ Wrong! No one can make you feel anything without your consent! We use other people to hurt ourselves.

‘It’s not what you do or say to me that makes me feel this way. It’s what I do with it.’ Repeat that line over and over until you remember it. Think about it. Try it out. Then believe it if you choose.

So at Christmas when someone is arguing about doing the washing up and blaming you for there being so much of it, stop! What will you do with what they are saying?

2.

Be understanding – find the good in everyone. – It’s there somewhere. Just look in the right place and you’ll find it. ‘There is benefit in everything’.

Relatives can be stressful all year round, and especially so at Christmas. If you can communicate with love and respect, you show love and respect for yourself. You have heard the old saying ‘as we sow, so we reap’? Well it’s true. What you give out, you will get back. So even if you have felt negative for years about a certain person, you can change it. Find something good somewhere in them and communicate with that part of them. Or just smile and keep quiet! Or go for a walk.

3.

Choose your response – if you have a minor car accident you can choose to be angry about the damage or to be glad you are still alive and unhurt.

The same is true at Christmas time. Whatever happens, calmly accept it. Choose your response wisely. We are brainwashed to see the negative in everything, everyone and every situation. We expect the worst all the time. But you can choose to control your emotions rather than they control you!

( Read an archived newsletter on this subject )

4.

Is it a problem or a situation you can influence? – We cannot control the weather, the economy, traffic or people.

So if things are not going how you would like all you can do is change your response, thereby influencing the situation. Lead by example. You will be surprised who follows!! So is it a problem or a chance to influence the situation? Only you can change your perception! Is the mulled wine glass half full or half empty? Or just a glass of mulled wine...

Would you rather be right…? Or happy? – With lots of people coming and going over the holidays there is bound to be disagreements and arguments. And again you can choose your reaction.

So would you rather argue and fight your corner to prove you are right? Or would you rather be happy? That may mean someone else being right! You could find it stressful cooking for a large number of people, particularly when one of them insists on telling you that you are doing it all wrong! Try to keep calm in the kitchen. And if you are not in the kitchen, show your appreciation to the person who is.

Dependent or Interdependent? – Does your happiness depend on external stimulants? Food, cigarettes, alcohol, clothes or cars?

If it does, this is a dependency. This happiness is short lived because you soon want your next fix. It is not true happiness; it is stimulation. Happiness is within you. It does not depend on the size of present you receive. It does not depend on how much turkey you can consume. Simply choose to be happy this Christmas. Be content with the way things are around you. Choosing this means you stop beating yourself up emotionally and you stop trying to fix other people. This happiness has an inner strength and stability which you can rely on. It is not easy to do. We have spent our lives being taught it is good to acquire possessions and earn more money. So one step at a time. What is your happiness dependent on right now? Imagine yourself being equally happy with out it. How does it feel? What can you do today to change your state of dependency to one of freedom?

Give the gift of love – Christmas is traditionally a time for giving gifts. We give gifts to show we care or love someone. We go to the department store to buy these gifts. We write a gift tag ‘with lots of love’. Did we buy love in the store? Why do we not just give love?

Whatever you are giving this year make sure you do give it with love. Think about what you are giving. Is it the present or is it love? Buy what you can afford and give it with tremendous love. Or make a gift! The amount you spend is not the important measure. The thought and creativity you put in to choosing or making the gift is far more valuable. Give the gift of love this year..